Anyone who thinks that monks are accustomed to prayer that is always full of blissful consolations is very much mistaken. My prayer, both in private and in community, is far more often than not undramatic, frustrating, or even anguishing. When, for example, I am sitting at my lectio divina, I am sometimes surpriesed by a strong feeling of fear, anger, or resentment that arose from some event of the previous day. In such a case, I have come to believe that the feelings and the surrounding events come to my consciousness for a good reason. Sometimes I think the Lord wants me to deal with the situation directly by meditating on the specific details in light of His Word. At other times, I think He wants we to acknowledge the disturbing thought or feeling, to cast it into His hands, and then to put it aside so that I can deal with it later. In either case, I am regularly amazed how the negative feelings have dissapated. Surely, the Lord uses such disruptions of my lectio to make me aare of my vulnerability, to heal some of my wounds, to reconcile me to others, and to draw me close to Him in my weakness. Yes, prayer does and should make us more and more aware of our weaknesses.
from Lessons from Saint Benedict, Finding Joy in Daily Life
by Father Donald S. Raila, OSB
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